This time 20 years ago I was a blushing bride awaiting my grande debut. I was hours away from making the long-awaited traditional walk down the white center flowered pedaled aisle with my daddy. He would be passing the torch so to speak to the one and only Mr. Chicken Fry. The butterflies and the anticipation of becoming one flesh, a Mr. and Mrs., a married couple was a dream come true.
As a spry newlywed couple the term divorce was an unfathomable notion and word never to be used in our marital vocabulary. Why would we? Why invest time, memories and energy to walk away?
What do people do with the wedding album? Who takes the christmas tree ornaments? Where do all of the photos go? Who gets to be the every other weekend parent?
Now, 20 full years later, truth be known, I think we both see marriage from an elevated vantage point. A reference point that we neither of us saw coming, but one that we have earned. TOGETHER! THIS IS 20 years!
Together we have mottled through some laborious love, sweat and tears. During our twenty year stint, in a few fleeting hot off-color moments even scarcastically made mention of the dreaded D word. I’m not proud of it and we have put that word to rest. The extradordinary news is we didn’t take action and don’t plan to and that’s something to brag about!
From the girl in the white Vera Wang dress holding the bouquet to the current middle-aged wife and mom, I’m now able to view marriage from a less naive perspective. But before you get riled up, Mr. Chicken Fry and I are perfectly fine…this is not a rah-rah or warning for divorce. In fact I’m a huge cheerleader for marriage and hopefully a poster child for marital endurance and faith. Because folks, without God, I truly don’t know how people keep it together.
Candidly speaking…I don’t think me and Mr. Chicken Fry have hit our stride. We are not on to the glory years that I so often hear about. Our years in holy matrimony have progressively grown more trying…not to be confused with tired… but TRYING with each passing year.
Marriage is not for the faint of heart. Marriage is hard, stubborn and arrogant. Marriage makes mistakes. But marriage is also rewarding.
This is our 20 year highlight reel…real!
For us, the first four years of our marriage were complete bliss. We breezed through several years of high hairsprayed big hair together with out a cross word between us. We were full faced and fancy free with barley a care in the world. We came and went and took freedom for granted. We traveled the open road on a Harley Davidson and flew to Paris for a weekend jaunt at the drop of a hat because we could.
The following five years were irrationally transformational on account of the new-born baby along with unforseen career moves. Those sleep deprived diaper days almost wiped us out. We did NOT see the drastic baby change coming but oh how we adore and cherish our bright-eyed, beautiful, smart, spirited girl. The curly blonde pig tail cutie pie made the next eight years somewhat blurry. All of the excitement, joy, baptisms, preschool activities, parties, job changes, living by the school bell, moving, and family vacations whisked by in a millisecond. In a flash, the elementary and middle school days were over and on ward and upward.
About three years ago it’s almost like me and Mr. Chicken Fry snapped out of a ritualistic rhythm of raising our precious pre-teen and woke up face to face with a full-fledged hormone having teenager.
Twenty years we have loved on another through some crazy hair styles, fashion trends and plenty of abnormally bad stints of morning breath. We have also experienced not so unusual marital milestone moments such as, deep love, grief, connection, forgiveness, disillusionment, passionate attraction, disappointment, regret, happiness, togetherness, fear, anger, love, resentment, sadness, and laughter.
Our marriage has without doubt lived up to the twisty twirly roller coaster ride our pastor warned us about. The steep thrill ride that keeps on moving. Sometimes our hands are in the air coasting laughing up a storm and others we are bearing down white knuckle grip gnashed teeth just trying to survive…and get along.
Is this a pretty par for the course at the 20 year mark of emotions?
Are we just too comfortable and take each other for granted? Or are we just grinding out day-to-day to life? Maybe it’s man-o-pause or heaven forbid pre menopause? Could it be that new teen driver always on the go, keeping us worried, financially drained and stressed out of our minds?
Don’t get me wrong, me and Mr. Chicken Fry have a lot of love between us. But our theme this last 19th year has been predominately bickering about something…EVERYTHING…all the time. It’s like living in a constant air sucking tense vaccum.
- Folks we are both self employed, entrepreneurswho office from home. WE experience more than the regular couple togetherness. What we don’t do is flirt during the day at the water cooler with cute office banter. Maybe we should start!
- Also, we are in the thick of raising an only child. A teenage girl and… to a fault, we are all up in her business. Perhaps we should back off a bit??
Basically, Chicken Fry and I live somewhere between where is our daughter, who is she with and the daily micro managing of our careers…Oh and the nightly remote control.
Like most Americans we are balancing, juggling, managing and reinventing life at any given time. These pics from the hightlight reel are mostly for the camera. Lol.
I wish I could tell you that we’ve had twenty pristine years of matrimony but I can’t. I wish I could tell you that we have it all figured out but we don’t. What I know is that we are right where we are supposed to be which is TOGETHER!
I can’t begin to tell you how I have trusted God and watched Him bless our marriage. His grace has renewed us over and over again. Because when the going gets rough, God is stronger and He is our refuge. When we have been at our wits end, God was whispering and faithful. When the whirlwind around us was blowing like crazy, Jesus was calming our hearts and teaching us forgiveness.
This is our 20 years.
What I remissness about the most is the night my charming and charismatic man proposed from one knee and asked me to be his wife. From our first date I knew. I knew. It was a sixth sense that he was the one for me.
Today…20 married years later I believe it. It’s the one thing that never surprises me. From day one I never wanted to be apart. He’s been my first choice since we first connected in March of 1996.
Yes we are both guilty of getting twisted up in the tango of life. We fuss, tempers flare He wants it his way, I want it my way, and we battle the constant tug of war which is emotionally exhausting. No one is immune. But a real passionate true LOVE brings us back together.
While we both wear a lot of hats the first and most important is husband and wife. Me and Mr. Chicken Fry are many things to many people but to me and only me…this guy is my HUSBAND. At the end of the day, no one else gets to be his wife but me. God fashioned ME for this unique role. I’m the lucky girl who gets to feel his feet every night at the bottom of the covers. (Swoon)
True to form and Chicken Fry has planned a special anniversary rondeaux. Drum roll…for the first time since our honeymoon we are going away….just the two of us. No kids, no couples, no family. A weekend get away to renew, refresh and remind ourselves why we initially hooked up and liked each other in the first place. I’m crazy, butterflies in the stomach excited. HOTEL ROOM!
We leave knowing full well that we will return to regular reality. However we are both genuinely looking forward to the future and earning more marital stripes. We will buckle up and keep riding the coaster because twenty years ago in front of God and 600 witnesses we said we would. To love, to honor and to cherish through sickness and in health, till death do us part.
We’re not quitters! We are Mr. and Mrs. Abercrombie.
Ring the church bells, and ring them loud and proud. Light the anniversary candle because this is 20 years! We made it honey. I knew we would.
Happy Anniversary 😘
I LOVE you…you are the love of my life!