Today is my yearly terrible Tuesday. The dreaded annual “female” well visit and mammogram. Today, I put on my big girl panties and begrudgingly mozey down to the damsel doctor.
Go ahead make judgements and call me names. I’m a big fat fraidy cat, so what? Meow. Unless your fifty shades of grey, there is NOTHING terrific about invasive poking and prodding up in your girly parts with your legs spread eagle in the stirrups.
I hesitate, but needless to say, I schedule my appointment and I go because it’s GOOD for me! It challenges me as an adult because I truly HATE going for this exam. Quit rolling your eyes! Yes, I have experienced childbirth, an epidural, an episiotomy and yes I still think a pap smear is gross, slightly painful and awkward! Maybe I just have very sensitive lady parts. (Daintily batting my eyes lol)
The important point is, I’m going to my appointment today.
Why is it so hard for me? I have some distorted mental block and yet, my gynecologist is a FRIEND of mine. We were friends before I became her patient. I trust her completely and she does her BEST to make me feel comfortable. (I’m never, not one single time, comfortable up on that table). I shut my eyes tight and take slow, slow, deep breaths and tell her, I’m fine every time she asks if I’m doing ok. No, I’m not doing well with that metal crank thing in my who ha!!! Ouch!
I want to call and post pone so bad right now. Girl friend, I never skip or reschedule my hair or Botox appointments! NEVER! Shoot, I’ll put off the dentist or my pap if the wind blows too hard! I guess I would rather be rotting on the inside. I think I must rename the visit. What sounds better to you, pap smear or tweety check? Annual check up or girly business review? Open wide or who ha sample? Vag exam or vajayjay day?
Sweet girlfriends, I need some love. Can you tell? Ok suck it up, Angi.
Girls, join my misery and schedule your yearly health and wellness exams. Be ahead of the game and take your health by the Christmas balls. Little self help talk going on there. No one else can do it for you, trust me I attempted that tactic. The sweet girl I tried to bribe kept shaking her head no while laughing so hard tears spewed from her eyes. There are some things money CANNOT buy!
So onward I go. This is me going. I’m going to stop typing now and go. Going already. I’m leaving now. Good bye. Gone.
Wishing you a clean bill of health and a super healthy 2016!
- To do List: schedule the following…
- Mammogram
- Girly business review or vajayjay day
- Vision or hearing test
- Dental visit – teeth cleaning
