Friends…I have been cleaning out the cache on my blog and found this post I had never published. Possible fear, at the time, caused me to pause on publishing. However, in hindsight this post serves as pain through growth and can possibly serve as positive assistance to others out there struggling to raise teenagers!
Approximately five years ago today I wrote this post!
I’ve officially been a mom for 18 plus years. Before I ever became a mother, I made a silent vow. I vowed to myself , made a pinky promise to myself that I would never behave in a certain manner with my child if I ever became a parent. (who hasn’t..right?)
At that time was extremely naive and I had a one-sided perspective of parenting. Like any of us, male or female, there were areas of my teens that I just knew, if given the chance, I would not be that mom.
I would have different rules, and action plans. Punishments would look different and tolerance of teen retoric would not be tolerated.
The teen queen grew up.
She’s 18 and has a lot going on.
The other day, we were casually doing our own things in the kitchen. To make pleasantries, I asked “so what plans are in the making for the weekend?” It seemed to be an easy enough question to answer.
She returned the verbal volley and told me about a party she was planning to attend. As she began to open up and share the fun elaborate shenanigans for the party, my mom brain clicked over. Like a light switch, my brain went from friend to mom in a nano second. As she was speaking my mom brain formed a secondary follow up question. Once I was sure she had concluded her thought, I did it. I physically was unable to filter the question in my head. Outloud I asked a a small simple follow question.
As I was literally making words with my mouth, I felt my brain sending signals to my tongue to hault communication. I had just literally asked one of those stupid raw mom questions I swore I would never ask. I knew before the words rolled off my lips that this was not going to end well. I knew it because I remember how it made me feel when I was her age and I hated having to explain it.
With one look on her face, I knew what I had done. I could see it. Her eyes changed and her body language switched. She had her defense mechanism up and with good cause.
GULP! She sat up straight and in an elevated tone muttered these words. “SEE mom, this is why I don’t like to tell you anything.”
I wanted to say, I know I know. I know exactly what she meant.
I tried to retrack but just as I was about to speak she was ready to fire. “You don’t understand our relatiohnship.” I have told you this before.” “You are imposing your ideals on to me and it’s not the same.”
I let her spew. On one hand, I was so proud of her. She is light years ahead and able to uninhibited, articulate her raw emotions. On the other hand, I knew that my questions/comment produced such an organic emotion because deep down she’s was bothered by a situation.
GULP and GULP AGAIN.
It’s a quandary being a teen mother. It’s a fine line. Even at 18 years old, I know it’s not in our best interest to be BFF’s because I’m still “patenting.” As a mom, I want to keep her close and a confidant. You want to be able to talk the good talk and have unconditional trust.
As a mom, we have to get our point across. Show them somehow that we have been there done that. But they too have to live and learn. It’s a vicious cycle. I had to warn her, but I didn’t want my question to hurt her feelings.
FUNNY…looking back I don’t even know what exactly the big deal was or the subject for that matter. I just remember in that very moment, having the where-with-all to know what she was feeling. The truth is, while technology has evolved, the art of becoming of age is the SAME! Growing up is apart of the gig and parenting is just a bonus!
Raising teens and young adults is not for sissies.
ME and the baby girl have come along way! Our mom/daughter relationship still has it’s highs and lows and this is just how it goes.
Love, laugh and be cool!
Angi
