I don't cook

Opps..I burned it again!

This was not my first fist fight with the edamame.  

Fortunately, I have years of experience scortching one of my favorite green soy bean snacks. By scorthcing I infatically mean burning the food past the point of edible.

But yes, oops I did it again…so sue me!

Years ago, while hosting one of my infamous boutique designer swim suit parties, I was preparing healthy snacks for my guests.  At the time I usually served a bunch of popcorn, steamed edamame and WINE.  Because no female on planet earth cares to shop or try on bathing suits on a full heavy stomach.

That being said, I was in the process of steaming a pot full of edamame when the door bell rang.  Guests were arriving and I became seriously side tracked.  Before I knew it, 30 minutes or more had passed.  I had wandered back to my bedroom to check on some ladies who were in the thick of a serious try on sesh.

When I came back into the living room I heard the sound of secret snickering. “Hey Angi, you taking a few hits back there?  Yeah girl, who brought the weed?”

“What?, no!” I said.   But “why does my house smell like a marijuana farm?”  At that very moment a wave of heat flooded my body and it hit me,  holy sweet Jesus in Heaven, the edamame!!!

I flew to the kitchen to find a smoking vat of edamame burning on the stove.  The stinch of green soy beans was slowly infiltrating the house. It was a very pungent skunk pot like odor. For days following the party I had to air out and fumigate the funky skunky smell.

Unfortunately, my kitchen skills haven’t improved much. My edamame track record is less than stellar.

Do you have any idea how easy it is to be distracted from boiling water?

There are so many other things begging for my attention.  It’s like the second I place a pan of luke warm water on the stove,  my mind is called else where.  Suddenly news on the television, Instagram, the laundry room, a convo with my teen queen and her friends or even a quick bath start competing for my 8 minute window.

Bath tub overflow…now there’s a fun popular topic!

Bringing water to a boil is a straight up snooze fest.  It’s right up there with watching paint dry.  BORING!

The way I make edamame takes about 12-15 minutes in three easy steps!

Step one: fill a pot with about an inch or less of water.

Step two: place a stainless steel steamer basket into the pot of water.

Step three: add the desired amount of edamame, a dash of salt and turn the heat on to steam the beans.

Ya’ll, I know that edamame now comes in microwaveable bags but…  I personally prefer to do it the hard way.  People, I do have a conscience.  I draw the line at two.  Two is my personal allotment of bagged food items that I’m allowed to burn with forgiveness.  As a result, popcorn takes the lead over edamame.  Therefore I steam the beans the old fashioned way.  I have a strong aversion to anything flimsly and plastic in a microwave. It gives me the her-bee jeebies!

Last week, I called the teen queen who was on her way home from school.  Being the generous mom that I am, I rang to brag tell her that I was making a nutritious after school snack.  I specifically remember giving her instructions which were…

Come home, check the stove steaming edamame, and turn it off or down.

I could not monitor the stove because I had a group training session Ito attend to! Where I went wrong was trusting a teenager. But I did because she gave me blessed assurance and I never thought about it again.  Until….

Until Mr Chicken Fry began to blow my phone up with burn jokes!

“Hey, do you want eat out tonight?  We could stay in at eat your edamame!!” This text was complimented with an eye roll emoji, shocked face emoji and too many fire emojies to count.

I wasn’t sure if his sarcasm was because he wanted more to eat than edamame for dinner or that he was blaming me for another kitchen foul.  The answer came quick.  Upon entry into the house, I knew. My spidey senses were immediately tuned into a waft of an all too familiar weed smell.  (not that I would know)

It was obscene.  One would swear that we were cooking marijuana brownies minus the brownie.The pot was so charred that it sat outside on our deck for over a week.  It was ratchet.

The worst was knowing that Mr. Chicken Fry would have yet another kitchen story to tell on me.  This is me beating him to the punch!

There is no real moral to this story other than to keep a close eye on the edamame.  It burns easy and  will stink up your space in a jiffy.

Do you have any kitchen confessions?  What do you chronically mess up?


Love, joy and eat soy.





Leave a Reply