There is nothing more horrifying than discovering that an individual in your very own household has LICE!!!! Sheer tears of terror is more like it. Today is a true tale of a real predator that can haunt anyone at anytime.
It’s fascinating that a tiny, almost not visible to the naked eye, bug can stir up a big ol ruckus and quite a fuss. My teenager is going to be utterly mortified but I’m throwing both of us under the bus.
Around 8:30 pm on Monday night the teen queen quietly and under her breath asked me to check her head. The thought that she could potentially have lice immediately put me in a FOUL ghoulish mood because I knew what would lie a head! (No pun intended).
Dare I say…complete confirmation had me in full fumigation mode! Surely this is a terrible trick! If I hadn’t seen it myself I would have not believed that this was happening. What a total buzz kill! I did a quick once over on Mr. Chicken Fry who checked out to be squeaky clean. Feeling all itchy and nasty, I had the teen queen give me look-see but gave a clean bill of health.
Poor baby girl. She was infested worse than Medusa.
So the clean up process began. We bagged and stripped the bed which is her main hang out area while Mr. Chicken Fry made a mad dash to the pharmacy for a Rid X lice treatment. Suddenly I’m itching uncontrollably which I know is purely psychological. My precious teen queen is panicked. I keep promising her we will fix it. She is filled with humiliation and begging me to keep it hush-hush. “Honey, this is nothing to be embarrassed about,” I said as reassurance. It can and does happen to everyone. But I sure would like to track down the host. Where has this wretched bug come from? There has to be a point of origin RIGHT?
After I began to comb though the teen queens thick blonde locks I knew this was beyond my mom abilities. My super powers know their limits. This was a job for a LICE professional.
I spent the next hour researching professional treatments in the DFW area. Would you believe that there is such a place called the Lice Clinics of America? I got on the horn in a hot second called and was able to nab an 11:15am appointment.
We walked into the clinic which is a medium-sized room which mimicked a small salon. It was clean and tidy. Miranda in the plano clinic quickly asked some pertinent questions and rattled off the lice statistics. After one glance at the teen queen she confirmed what I already knew and then offered to check me. Confidently I said “sure.” I even told her that I was positive I didn’t have them because one of my training clients is a hair dresser who checked me this morning.
Miranda got out a clear bowl, filled it with distilled water and pulled out a special tighten woven pick comb and began to run it at the base of my neck. She then swirled the comb in the bowl of water and said….”Well, you have a nit so you have them.” I was in total denial.
Can you please check again. She went in for another comb closer to the mid top of my head, yep there is another one she said. Freightful and disgusted my face went white as ghost and I fell into a coma of disbelief.
“Mom, it’s alright,” I heard her say. I think I need some smelling salts to jolt me out of this hellish nightmare. My palms felt sweaty and clammy. Really?? Really? Reality began to sink in and I quickly ordered up TWO FULL TREATMENTS on the pronto.
Oh brother, I would have to call everyone I had close contact with the last 48 hours. But First I got on the line with Mr. Chicken Fry who also needed to be clinically scowled. Thankfully he got the ultra seal of approval.
As Miranda began working her witch craftery on the teen queen, I tried to think of how or when I might have contracted barely able to say the word, la la LICE?
Then it hit me like an axe. Saturday, I was was laying on my bedroom floor watching the TCU football game. My sweet angelic, lice infested teen queen, came and flayed herself right on to my very body. I was in HEAVEN! I even b ragged and told her how she was filling my up my love tank. I was the happiest mom in the entire world. While she layed her sweet lice infested head on my heart as I massaged her back, shoulders and yes, even her hair. We laughed, we giggled, we listened to each others heart beat for what seemed like a timeless glorious half hour. How could such a magical and wonderful moment be the origin point of horror?!?!
Needless to say, $400 dollars and three hours later I’m a lice pro. During our stint at the Lice Clinic I learned a lot about this pesky temporary condition. Here are some fun facts in case it should ever happen to you or someone you love.
- Lice cannot survive on anything but a human head of hair. Not a dog, rodent, blanket, carpet, or clothing.
- Lice these days can only be killed using heat. A hairdryer is usually not hot enough to do the necessary damage without burning the scalp.
- Most bedding and pillows and stuffed animals should be treated in the dryer on the hottest setting for at least 40 minutes. (sanitize setting) Or BAGGED for 24 hours.
- All hair ties and brushes can either be boiled in water for 5 minutes or frozen in the freezer for 24 hours.
I sucked it up and did the right thing. I called the school and notified her lacrosse coach and close core friends. I did ask for anonymity if at all possible. But then I thought why?? Why not share my experience and knowledge. I pride myself on transparency so here it is in all of it’s grotesque glory.
We are not dirty filthy people. We are clean. We bathe and shower like twice a day maybe more. We have a housekeeper once every few weeks not to mention my obsessive compulsive clean freak nature. Lice happen y’all. Lice happen to good people.
Lastly, turns out that the all natural heat treatment is fabulous. I hated to admit it but it was like a mini trip to a day spa. I didn’t want it to be over. For 35 minutes this elephant like tube projects heat onto the scalp in 30 second increments. Section by section Miranda worked the heat tool all over my head in a massaging motion. Between the heat, noise and the massage the spook house suddenly turned into a FUN house! Whoa baby it felt good. Then she slowly parted the hair and combed out any reminants. Not a bad big deal at all. No toxic chemicals or treatments.
It was a miracle. We are lice FREE!
Of course, I home and did about a hundred or more loads of laundry and sanitized every pillow and piece of anything in our home that would fit into the dryer. All potential suspects were cooked and boiled to a crisp.
- Lice hate the smell of peppermint. There are peppermint oils and sprays that women and men can use when they know they will be in close proximity to others. With selfies on the rise, Lice is also on the rise. Head to head contact makes it easy because all it take is 30 seconds for a lice to crawl over.
- Using hair products and hairspray keep Lice at bay. Those who chemically treat their hair are less likely to contract lice.
- Wearing your hair in a bun for yoga, workout is highly recommended.
- Do not share hats, caps or scarves .
- Do not share hair brushes, hair ties, head bands and or other hair accessories.
The thing is…the lice clinic has got you! Backed into a corner. It isn’t cheap but guaranteed you will pay any price once you see that you have a tiny bug laying and hatching eggs on your head. You will throw down cash, a credit card or mortgage your house just to terminate these nasty little suckers.
This place offers a guarantee! A total contractual gurantee. You buy their special sauce and in 10 days do a retreat. If after the re-treat you were to get Lice again, the clinic will do a no questions asked full retreat for zero dollars. WORTH IT! #worthit
I have a whole new appreciation for the term “Nit pick” now. Who knew?!?
Love, hug and check for bugs!